Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
