Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
