Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my liver is dry heaving
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
