He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
