i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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