if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
