who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
