i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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