he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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