My room smells like vodka and shame
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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