Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think my moral compass just broke
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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