I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
