3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
