ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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