Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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