woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
