All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
