And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
