I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
