i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
