similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
