Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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