My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
