Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
