i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
