I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
