She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize