he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize