I hate all girls vehemently.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
