U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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