Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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