My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it hurts more in the daytime
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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