Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
