I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
