I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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