You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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