sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
