He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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