Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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