Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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