i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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