I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
