youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
