Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
