So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
