Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize