I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
