We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
