I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize