It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
