i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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