My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
