Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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