i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never underestimate the power of titties
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
