Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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