maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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