Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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