do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
