I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
