GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
