she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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