I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
