Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize