I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
