"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
