if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
