My cat gives me a boner
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
