Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
