dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize