Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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