got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
