i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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